Monday, March 8, 2010


I apologize in advance for the extreme girly-ness of this post, but I'm a woman. It's my prerogative to be really girly every once in a while.

I just finished watching the season finale of The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love (laugh if you want, I didn't come up with the title—I just watched the show) and I think I've heard enough cheesy jokes about "flying off into the sunset with my copilot" to last me into my 40s. Seriously though, I would like to share a few of my thoughts on the show.

First off, the whole premise of the show is ridiculous. One guy, 25 women, a few months (if that
I'm not really sure how long it takes to film the show) and BAM! a proposal. Now, I'm not saying that getting engaged after only knowing someone for a few months is a bad thing; people have done it and it works out, but I do think that there's something a little strange about agreeing to marry someone that you have never had an exclusive relationship with. Not only that, but agreeing to marry someone who has been dating other women simultaneously. (And by dating, I mean dating... if you catch my drift.)

Second, most of the women who make it onto this show are crazy people. The reason for this is pretty obvious—how can you expect the directors of a national television show on a major network to cast 25 emotionally stable girls as the potential fiancées of a guy as studly Jake Pavelka? (It's okay, I laughed at his last name, too.) You can't. Who wants to watch a bunch of really nice girls be really nice to each other while they all go on really nice dates with a really nice guy? Unfortunately, no one. That's just not good TV. People want to watch cat-fights and choose sides. They want to pull for their favorite girl. And everyone loves to hate that one girl nobody can stand. Knowing this, why would you willingly put yourself on this show? I just don't understand it.

Third and lastly, shows like The Bachelor mess up people's perspective of what God intended love to be. Sure, these shows are entertaining, but what message are they really sending? They define love as a feeling—and not just any feeling—the feeling. The end-all be-all, purpose of life, I'll-never-need-anyone-else-ever-again feeling. I know that being in love is awesome, but sorry, if that was what life was all about—I'd be disappointed. The love that people in shows like The Bachelor are looking for is myopic and selfish. Most of the contestants (yes, they are contestants competing for a man's affection) are looking for someone who makes them feel desired and loved, regardless of shared interests, morals, or goals.

In no way am I trying to say that these women shouldn't be looking for someone to love them fully, for exactly who they are. That's the kind of man every girl should be looking for. But these ladies were looking for their "other half," someone to make them whole. They want that famous Jerry Maguire scene to play out in their own lives:

But that shouldn't be the role of a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.

We need someone to complement, not complete.

If you watched the finale, you know that Vienna was proposed to and poor Tenley was sent home brokenhearted. (Even though by the end of the series everyone knew that Vienna was bad news. She always looked a little crazy and said ridiculous things like, "I'm on cloud Jake right now." Blech.)

If Jake had any sense, he would have chosen Tenley. Why, you ask? Because she was mature, classy, positive, and kind. She was looking for someone to commit to and to grow along side of.
Vienna was just the opposite. She made it clear from the beginning that she was there to win the hot guy. Well, she did, but I think that she lost her opportunity to grow as an individual in the process.
Proof? "When I found him, I found myself."

I have a lot of thoughts about what love is, what it should be, and how people should find it, but I guess I already made the point I wanted to with this post.

When looking for love, we need a complement. Not completion.
Completion is found somewhere else.

Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4