Tuesday, May 21, 2013


It's really hard for me to let myself get sad.

I don't like feeling worn down, so most of the time I just don't let myself go there. When I'm sick, I push through. When I'm tired, I push through. When I get stepped on, I take it. I don't like being around people who complain, so I try my best not to complain.
Even when it feels like nothing is going right.

I just don't feel like it's fair to let myself get sad or frustrated or discontent. I grew up in a loving home with two amazing parents and two amazing sisters. I could afford to go to college. I found a job right after graduation. I have amazing friends. I've led a pretty easy life. God has blessed me immensely more than he should have. I shouldn't be unhappy.

But sometimes I get sad. And sometimes I get scared. And frustrated. And sometimes I feel helpless and hopeless and lost and unsupported. Sometimes I feel unappreciated and forgotten. I feel silenced and disregarded and hurt and hated. Sometimes I feel insecure and untalented and lonely.

Right now I feel sad.

And I'm realizing that it's okay to feel that way sometimes.

I'm realizing that it's okay to not have everything together all the time.
It's okay to be broken. It proves that I have to be fixed—that I can't fix myself.

Sometimes it's hard to trust that God cares when I feel this way; but why would he have created me with the ability to feel this way if I weren't ever meant to be sad?

I'm supposed to be discontent sometimes. Discomfort forces change—it forces growth. It proves that I'm meant for something bigger. That my life as it is isn't supposed to be a stagnant, repetative algorithm. God created me to innovative and creative. He created me to desire more.

It's okay to be sad. Sad is a feeling. I can't control my feelings. I can control what I do with them. I can decide what actions will sprout from discontentment.

There's a time to be sad.
I pray that what comes of the sadness is good, positive, and glorifying.
I pray for joy in the darkness.

Monday, April 22, 2013


what do i want?

Sunday, April 14, 2013


Sunday, March 24, 2013


Often I find myself aching for an eternity that seems all too far away. I stop, look around, and am overwhelmed. Our world needs redemption and at this moment, I am desperately praying for it.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."                                                                                —C.S. Lewis