Sunday, September 19, 2010


As of late, it seems that the gospel has been leaving me feeling ratherunaffected. I don't know why, but for me the past month has been one of spiritual stagnation and apathy. Until yesterday.

I spent the weekend on the road. As I drove I was able to think, and for some reason, as I thought more and more about driving and visiting and travel and the passage of time, I began to feel something beginning to seep into (or perhaps out of) my heart. When I got home from my adventure, I was able to reflect. Now, being a senior in the College of Education at NC State, I know quite a bit about reflecting, and usually I think that it's a waste of time. But usually that's because it's homework. This reflecting was good, and I would like to share with you how some of my reflection went:

i feel sad. nostalgic, maybebut also sad. and i can't quite put my finger on why. the air is getting cooler and i am reminded more and more of fall this time last year. looking back on my journal entries iswell, i don't know, sad? does it make me sad to look back on the laughs i had? the new experiences? noof course not

my heart is aching for something i can only imagine is more glorious than i can describe. better things than what i am doing now.

greater things.

there is a deep, long, sad, passionate, mournful, joyous ache in my soul for something beautiful. i see glimpses of it in the north carolina landscape. i feel it when i stare out onto the open highway, listening to chords of music that capture what my clumsy, foolish, and often stuttered language cannot express.

why did God create this for me? this earth, with all its nature and humanity, beauty and innovation, why did God bestow upon me such a gift? he knows that i am an insufficient steward of this world and yet he has allowed me to spend 21 years partaking in this blessing called life.

i am sad to see time pass, wasted or otherwise, because i know that each moment that goes by is one that i cannot fully grasp. to understand the greatness of Christ contained in just a fraction of a secondis beyond any man's intellectual, physical, or emotional capacity. to me, that is both joyous and tragic. i long to know the inner-workings of the will of my Lord.
i am confident in His plan. confident and eager, eager and terrified, terrified and, still sometimes, overwhelmingly sad.

i mourn time lost.
i yearn for a time when i will be able to finally revel in the Glory of my Savior. when at last i can look into my Master's face and fall at His feet and praise Him forever for the things He has done.

Father, i do not deserve this life. i want nothing more than for You to fulfill Your promise so that i can spend the rest of eternity soaking up Your Glory and worshipping You for who You are and the great thing You have done.

Master, i am Yours and nothing will be sweeter than the day You call me home to be with You. i am broken, humbled and humiliated by Your Glory and Power and Greatness.
And with those words, penned on pages of an overstuffed Moleskine journal, the Father revived me. I praise God that I can live aware of the glimpses of Glory around me and I will eagerly await the final Glory that He has promised.

Saturday, September 11, 2010


I cannot claim to be particularly wise or particularly intelligent. I cannot claim to be especially artistic or charismatic or beautiful or driven. In factat this point in my life, I'm not sure if I can claim to be much of anything or anyone at all.

God is doing His work in me.
I am sure that He's still got a lot to do.