Tuesday, May 21, 2013


It's really hard for me to let myself get sad.

I don't like feeling worn down, so most of the time I just don't let myself go there. When I'm sick, I push through. When I'm tired, I push through. When I get stepped on, I take it. I don't like being around people who complain, so I try my best not to complain.
Even when it feels like nothing is going right.

I just don't feel like it's fair to let myself get sad or frustrated or discontent. I grew up in a loving home with two amazing parents and two amazing sisters. I could afford to go to college. I found a job right after graduation. I have amazing friends. I've led a pretty easy life. God has blessed me immensely more than he should have. I shouldn't be unhappy.

But sometimes I get sad. And sometimes I get scared. And frustrated. And sometimes I feel helpless and hopeless and lost and unsupported. Sometimes I feel unappreciated and forgotten. I feel silenced and disregarded and hurt and hated. Sometimes I feel insecure and untalented and lonely.

Right now I feel sad.

And I'm realizing that it's okay to feel that way sometimes.

I'm realizing that it's okay to not have everything together all the time.
It's okay to be broken. It proves that I have to be fixed—that I can't fix myself.

Sometimes it's hard to trust that God cares when I feel this way; but why would he have created me with the ability to feel this way if I weren't ever meant to be sad?

I'm supposed to be discontent sometimes. Discomfort forces change—it forces growth. It proves that I'm meant for something bigger. That my life as it is isn't supposed to be a stagnant, repetative algorithm. God created me to innovative and creative. He created me to desire more.

It's okay to be sad. Sad is a feeling. I can't control my feelings. I can control what I do with them. I can decide what actions will sprout from discontentment.

There's a time to be sad.
I pray that what comes of the sadness is good, positive, and glorifying.
I pray for joy in the darkness.

Monday, April 22, 2013


what do i want?

Sunday, April 14, 2013


Sunday, March 24, 2013


Often I find myself aching for an eternity that seems all too far away. I stop, look around, and am overwhelmed. Our world needs redemption and at this moment, I am desperately praying for it.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."                                                                                —C.S. Lewis

Monday, June 18, 2012


my fingertips trace
along rough grain.
Aged wood
of a centuries old tree
passes slowly underneath my hands
like braille for the blind.

Barely touching the timber,
I feel along grooves
and over knots,
for a place
that my weak hands
might cling
to the crudely-formed cross.

I must be careful,
for the wood's not been sanded.
I must find a place
that does not threaten
to scrape or splinter
my delicate hands,
I long
so deeply
to cling to it
with all of my strength.

I trace the tree
and wonder
what might happen
if my fingers
and palms
white-knuckled fists
and I was brave enough
to hold on

Monday, January 2, 2012


I'm not much for making New Year's resolutions, but I pray that for me this is a year of growth, joy, reflection, and peace.

Since I started my big girl job in August it seems like my world has become a giant blur of people and events and emotions and tasks. Whenever I get the chance to stop and catch my breath I don't know what to do with myself.

I pray that I learn what to do in those moments. I pray that I learn how to use those moments; how to not waste them. How to really truly rest and reflect and enjoy the peace that comes from being still.

Monday, September 19, 2011


Oh my. I'm already halfway through September. For those who are still interested in my increasingly busy life, I'm a teacher in Durham, NC. It's... well, I'm learning a lot.

I'm going to try and be better about posting here. Not because I think anyone reads this, but because I like doing it.

Until then, here's a video: