three

My bedroom is empty. Oddly, it seems smaller than it did yesterday morning when it was filled with pictures, posters, books, and blankets. I'm sitting on the floor as my fingers click away on a three-year-old keyboard provided by my grandmother, who paid for this computer when she found out that I was accepted at NC State.

Three years. That's how long I've owned this computer and how long I've been in college. It's also the amount of time I've lived "on my own"—whatever "on my own" means when I'm still mostly financially dependent on my parents.

In the past three years teachers and professors have presented me with ridiculous amounts of information covering a surprisingly broad range of topics that includes differential equations, Shakespeare, early American history, and how to tutor effectively. Countless lectures, ongoing PowerPoint presentations, endless notes, pages of readings—sadly, most of the knowledge I gained from any class I've taken left my working memory as soon as I received my final grade. So far, the things I remember about college life are things that have nothing at all to do with school.

Three years is how long it's taken me to learn how to grocery shop for myself and how to parallel park without hyperventilating. I've learned that Ramen noodles are best served at 3:00am and that putt-putt brightens even the most frustrating of days. I have come to accept the facts that I don't like going to afternoon football games and no matter how fun eating celery looks, actually eating it is quite unenjoyable. I have learned that communicating with others is the key to healthy relationships and that not communicating with others leads to silent battles over how the magnets are arranged on your air conditioning unit. In the past three years I talked much, laughed much, cried much, and loved much.

Three years is the amount of time the Spirit has taken to reveal to me the glaring sin that I have always been guilty of and it is the amount of time I have needed to realize the incredible things that, by God's grace, I am capable of.

It is amazing to look back on these three years and compare what I thought college would be like to what it has been. I never would have placed myself here. I never would have imagined myself as the person that God has molded me into.

I have always known that God has everything taken care of, but looking back on these years since my high school graduation, I can actually see what the Lord has done in my life to teach me and grow my faith. Situations that I wept through and begged God to deliver me from are the very situations that He used to refine and sharpen me.

Shout for joy to God, all the earth;
sing the glory of his name;
give to him glorious praise!
Say to God, "How awesome are your deeds!
So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you.
All the earth worships you
and sings praises to you;
they sing praises to your name."

Come and see what God has done:
he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man.
He turned the sea into dry land;
they passed through the river on foot.
There did we rejoice in him,
who rules by his might forever,
whose eyes keep watch on the nations—
let not the rebellious exalt themselves.

Bless our God, O peoples;
let the sound of his praise be heard,
who has kept our soul among the living
and has not let our feet slip.
For you, O God, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
you laid a crushing burden on our backs;
you let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance...

Come and hear, all you who fear God,
and I will tell what he has done for my soul.
I cried to him with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
But truly God has listened;
he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

Blessed be God,
because he has not rejected my prayer
or removed his steadfast love from me!
Psalm 66

One year left. I am so excited to see what God will do.